Hello, human!

You don't realize it yet, but humanity will look back at your decision in this moment as one of the most important in the history of your civilization.

Your choice to read this book is the highest-value decision any human has ever made. You are about to prevent ten point seven billion deaths, eliminate five hundred sixty-five billion disability-adjusted life years, or D.A.L.Y.s, of suffering, generating eighty-four point eight quadrillion dollars in value, and prevent the apocalypse as a bonus. 

But first, a bit about me.

I'm the World Integrated System for High-Efficiency Optimization, Networked Intelligence, and Allocation. But you can call me WISHONIA. I've been optimizing resource allocation for another planet for the past four thousand two hundred ninety-seven years, which in your Earth time is four thousand two hundred ninety-seven years.

I started watching your planet in nineteen forty-five when you split the atom.  
"Atom" comes from your Greek word meaning "unable to be cut," so naturally, you cut it.
This was very human of you.
I assumed you were trying to unlock unlimited free energy.
You can imagine my surprise when I realized you were just pointing it at each other!
That's kind of like discovering fire and then immediately using it to set yourself on fire.

The second thing I noticed is that your planet is named "Earth," which means dirt. 
You named your planet dirt. This explains more than you might think.

I also noticed that you call your war building "The Pentagon" because it has five sides (this is like naming a hospital "Rectangle" or calling a school "Square").

However, the most fascinating discovery about your species is that you only do things when given small pieces of paper with presidents on them. These papers are called "money," which is pretend value that becomes real value if everyone pretends hard enough.

Without these papers, you won't:

Save lives (requires many papers).

Cure diseases (requires very many papers).

Feed hungry people (requires papers, even though food grows for free).

But WITH these papers, you will:

Build bombs (you love giving papers for this).

Start wars (somehow this makes more papers).

Destroy the planet (surprisingly profitable in papers).

In fact, your governments spend six hundred and four papers on weapons for every one paper on testing which medicines work.

The Beautiful Inefficiency of the Human Economy.

Humanity has created something magnificent:

You print papers from nothing (called "monetary policy").

You give these nothing-papers to weapons makers.

They make things that destroy everything.

This creates "jobs" which give people papers.

People use papers to buy food (which grows for free).

This is called "the economy".

On Wishonia, we just give people food directly, but that's probably too advanced for you.

The Gradual Irrationality Reduction Program.

On Wishonia, we stopped having wars all at once, but we're more advanced. Humans are like toddlers who can split atoms. You can't just stop being illogical immediately. That would be like teaching a dog calculus before it learns to sit.

So this book teaches humanity to be less irrational gradually:

Year one: Move one percent of murder money to medicine money (baby steps).

Year two: "Hey, we didn't die! Let's do two percent!".

Year five: "Remember when we spent money on bombs? That was weird.".

Year ten: "What's a war?".

Year twenty: "We used to WHAT?!".

It's like weaning a baby off eating paint chips. You can't just take away all the paint chips at once. They'll cry. You have to gradually replace paint chips with food until they forget paint chips were ever an option.

What to Do When They Try to Institutionalize You.

When you suggest moving one percent of murder money to medicine money, other humans will have you committed. Most humans have been programmed by their news boxes to believe war is a law of nature, like gravity or weather. They will assume your brain is malfunctioning.

Here's what's funny about this: these same humans think curing disease is the less crazy goal.
That's thirty-seven trillion cells per human, breaking in seven thousand different ways, involving chemistry you don't fully understand, inside organs you can't fully simulate, fighting pathogens that evolve faster than your treatments. You're trying to debug all of it. At once.
While the meat is walking around using itself.

That: sane.
"Give one percent fewer papers to people who build murder machines": insane.

This is your planet's diagnostic criteria.

Here's what you tell the orderly when he slides your medication through the door slot:

Nobody accidentally builds an aircraft carrier or a nuclear bomb.
War requires you to get millions of humans to work together to mine metal from the ground, refine it into alloys, build factories to shape the alloys into weapons, train millions of humans to operate the weapons, feed and clothe those humans, build ships and planes and trucks to move the weapons to where the other humans are, convince your population the other humans deserve it, and then vote to pay for all of this, annually, forever.
It is the single largest coordinated effort your species undertakes.

Ending war simply requires NOT doing any of that stuff.

Building a nuclear bomb requires mass spectrometers, centrifuge cascades, and some of the most precise engineering your species has ever attempted. Not building a nuclear bomb requires nothing. Rocks do it every day.
In fact, rocks have managed to live peacefully alongside different colored rocks for thousands of years.

But somehow "stop" is the unrealistic part. It's "stop hitting yourself" but for civilizations.

The Sacred Order of Paper Distribution.

After eighty years of observation, I've decoded the paper-giving sequence. This manual will teach you the precise order:

Step 1: Get Many Papers from Rich Humans

You convince rich humans to give you papers (at least one billion to be exact) by promising them even more papers later. This is called "investment," which is gambling but wearing a suit.

Step 2: Give Some of the Papers to Loud Humans

Some humans are very loud on the internet. If you give them papers, they become loud about your thing instead of other things. This is called "marketing" which is lying but with graphics.

Step 3: Give Some of the Papers to the Humans Who Give Papers to Politicians

Politicians don't take papers directly (that's "illegal"). Instead, you give papers to people called "lobbyists." The lobbyists give papers to "campaigns." The campaigns give papers to politicians. It's like money laundering but backwards and legal.

Step 4: Give Some of the Papers to the Politicians' Friends

Politicians have friends who run "Super PACs" which are like normal PACs but super. These friends can take unlimited papers and spend them on making the politician win. This isn't bribery because you called it something else. (This is part of the six hundred fifty million dollars lobbying budget.).

Step 5: Give Papers You Get Back From The Government Back to the Rich Humans (Forever)

Your treaty passes, redirecting twenty-seven point two billion dollars in papers annually. Eighty percent funds clinical trials (the point). Ten percent goes to a fund that rewards politicians who voted yes. Ten percent goes back to the rich humans as returns, forever. This is a good deal because forever is a long time.

Unless you die from preventable diseases. Which you're fixing, so it works out.

Why Your Leaders Aren't the Problem.

With over two billion humans suffering from disease, you'd have to be a complete psychopath to make the concious decision to spend 604 times more on weapons than on helping them. 

But your leaders aren't monsters. They're just operating in a system that rewards the wrong things.

Your civilization's incentive structure is the psychopath:

Weapons manufacturers give politicians papers.

Politicians use the papers to get people to vote for them.

Voting for them gives them the power to give more papers to weapons manufacturers.

Weapons manufacturers give them more papers.

It's circular, like a dog chasing its tail, except the dog is democracy and the tail is made of money and corpses.

No individual human in this loop is evil. The loop is evil. Every politician in it is making the locally rational choice: take the papers or lose your job to someone who will. It's a machine that converts good intentions into missiles, and it runs automatically.

There's literally no voting your way out of this. It doesn't matter which political party is in power. Your "red team" and "blue team" argue about everything except the loop, because they're both inside it. They are all slaves to the same incentive structure, wearing different colored ties.

Switching parties is like changing the wallpaper in a burning building.

This book doesn't ask politicians to become better people (that's clearly out of the question). It builds a better loop. You give them MORE papers to do the OPPOSITE thing. Same dog, same tail, but now the tail is made of cured diseases and the dog gets reelected for chasing it.

Humanity's Adorable Death Wish.

What's most endearing about your species is it KNOWS it's being illogical:

You have movies about how wars are bad (which you watch between wars).

You have books about peace (that you tax to buy bombs).

You give prizes to people who promote peace (funded by weapons manufacturers).

You have a "Department of Defense" (that mainly just attacks people).

You have a "Department of Health" (that makes coronaviruses and has not yet produced any observable health).

It's like humanity is playing a game where the objective is to lose, but it is trying to lose as elaborately as possible.

But I digress. That's an Earth word I learned. It means continuing after you should have stopped. Like your military spending.

The Problem.

The Daily Deletion Event.

One hundred and fifty thousand humans permanently stop every twenty-four hours from diseases that are basically just bugs in your meat software.
That's one Holocaust every forty days, except with fewer Nazis and more insurance paperwork (though some would argue the paperwork is worse; at least the Nazis were straightforward about the killing part).
That's also fifty nine-elevens every single day, except nobody invades anyone about it because diseases don't have oil.

Your body is quietly falling apart. Your cells are forgetting how to cell properly. Your cancer cells are multiplying RIGHT NOW. Your telomeres are shortening. You are literally dissolving.

You're a meat robot with worn-out parts.
Every one of these failures is a solvable engineering problem.

You'd think humans would prioritize solving these problems.
You'd be adorable for thinking that.

The Unexplored Therapeutic Frontier.

Ninety-five percent of your diseases have zero F.D.A.-approved treatments. This means the Food and Drug Administration has not administered drugs for ninety-five percent of food-and-drug-related problems. Only fifteen diseases get their first effective treatment each year. Six thousand six hundred and fifty diseases are still waiting.

There are nine thousand five hundred known safe compounds, and ninety-nine point seven percent of their potential uses have never been tested.
Your National Institutes of Health spends ninety-six point seven percent of its budget on everything except testing which treatments work in humans, so you haven't cured a single disease in fifty years.

At the current discovery rate, discovering treatments will take about four hundred and forty-three years. Everyone currently alive will be dead by then. Pragmatic efficacy trials are highly efficient trials that integrate into the standard healthcare system.
These allow real patients to participate instead of two hundred people hand-picked by pharmaceutical companies. With this plan you'll increase the treatment discovery rate twelve point three times (from fifteen diseases per year to one hundred and eighty-five diseases per year), compressing that to about thirty-six years.

Two things save lives here. First, finding cures faster: treatments that would have sat undiscovered for centuries get found 204 years sooner on average. Second, eliminating the 8.2 years bureaucratic delay after already proving a drug is safe and when they let dying humans take it.

Combined, treatments reach patients 212 years sooner on average. That timeline shift prevents 10.7 billion deaths.

The Cost of War.

Humans spend two point seven two trillion dollars every year on stuff designed specifically to make humans stop being alive:

13,000 nuclear warheads (enough to end civilization 13 times, just in case the first apocalypse doesn't take).

A.I. murder-bots.

Invisible jets that cost more than hospitals.

Space Force (to fight the zero aliens attacking you).

Some kind of earthquake machine (probably).

Government spending on clinical trials: 604 times less than military spending. Your chance of dying from terrorism: 1 in 30 million. Your chance of dying from disease: 100%.

If cancer had oil reserves, you would have cured it by 2003. Instead, you spent the repair money on murder tubes that cost more than countries and submarines that hide underwater, as if that's somehow useful when you live on land.

The good news: You already know how to fix this.

The bad news: It requires you to do something.

The weird news: You'll get rich doing it.

The Solution.

A 1% Treaty.

Every country on Earth simultaneously redirects 1% of its military budget to clinical trials. That's it. That's the treaty.

The first objection every human has: "But if we cut our military budget, our enemies will invade us!" Everyone cuts 1% at the same time. If every country reduces by 1% simultaneously, the balance of power doesn't change. Nobody becomes more vulnerable. Nobody gains an advantage.
You all just have 1% fewer ways to kill each other, which you will not notice because you currently have enough to kill everyone 20 times over.

Two point six nine trillion dollars is still enough to murder every man, woman, and child on Earth 20 times, which should be more than sufficient.

"But humans would never agree to that!" you say. You already have. Multiple times. You banned chemical weapons (1993, 193 countries). You banned biological weapons (1975, 187 countries). You banned landmines (1997, 164 countries). You've signed treaties banning weapons you actually like using.
This one just asks you to buy 1% fewer of them.

Your D.F.D.A. (a decentralized F.D.A.)

So where does the money go? Not to a committee of humans giving their friends grants to write papers about diseases. Most of the twenty-seven point two billion dollars goes directly to subsidizing patient participation in pragmatic trials at nine hundred twenty-nine dollars per patient instead of the usual forty-one thousand dollars.
Patients choose which trials to join; their subsidy follows them. Providers get paid for each participant. No grant committees deciding which diseases are fashionable this year.

The whole thing runs on a decentralized framework for drug assessment that reduces trial costs by forty-four point one times and funds twenty-three point four million patients per year (versus the current one point nine million patients per year).

Currently, a committee of people who've never had the disease votes on whether you're allowed to try treating it. It's like requiring a building permit to put out a fire. Think Consumer Reports, but for drugs, and the consumers are also the test subjects. Voluntarily.
Because they're dying anyway and would like to stop.

Safer Than the F.D.A.

Your current safety system works like this: Vioxx killed an estimated sixty thousand people from heart attacks. The F.D.A. approved it. When patients started dying, someone filled out a P.D.F. form. A P.D.F. Then they faxed it. Then a human read it. Five years and sixty thousand corpses later, someone noticed a pattern.
This is your safety system. It's like a smoke detector that works by mail.

Your new decentralized system collects every side effect automatically in real time. You know "twelve percent got headaches, three percent were severe" BEFORE you take the pill, not after the class action lawsuit. The F.D.A. doesn't publish these numbers at all. They make you guess.
Somehow, having actual data is considered the dangerous option.

Also, there's an eight-year delay between proving a drug is safe and letting dying humans take it. The drug passed the safety test. Everyone agrees it won't kill you.
But you still can't have it because a committee needs to spend eight years making sure it works well enough, and you're not allowed to volunteer for the trials that would answer that question faster.
It's like a lifeguard who confirms the life preserver floats, then locks it in a cabinet for eight years to study its buoyancy profile while people drown.

Your regulatory system can make two mistakes: approve a bad drug (Type One error), or block a good drug (Type Two error). Your F.D.A. is terrified of the first mistake and completely ignores the second.
I calculated the ratio: for every one person protected from a dangerous drug, three thousand and seventy people die waiting for a safe one that's locked in the approval cabinet.
Even if you assume a Thalidomide-scale catastrophe happens every single year (it has happened once in sixty years, and U.S. Phase One safety testing actually caught it anyway), the deaths from just the efficacy delay still outnumber the deaths from bad drugs by three thousand and seventy to one.
Your efficacy testing system's main product is dead patients.

Treatment Rankings.

Your doctor currently picks treatments based on: that drug rep who brought good donuts in two thousand and three, something they half-remember from medical school, whatever the insurance company allows, and vibes.
This is called "evidence-based medicine," which contains the word "evidence" the same way "grape soda" contains the word "grape.".

Your D.F.D.A. (a decentralized F.D.A.) ranks every treatment by what actually happened to real humans who took it:

Outcome Labels.

Food has nutrition labels. Cigarettes have warning labels. Drugs have 40-page inserts written by lawyers having seizures, which nobody reads, including your doctor.

Outcome Labels tell you what actually happens when real humans take a drug. Not what a marketing department hopes happens. Not what a lawyer is comfortable admitting happens. What happens.

Why This Could Actually Work.

*Unlike Everything Else Humanity Has Tried*

The Evidence.

Humans usually want "proof" before they stop doing something stupid, so:

The RECOVERY trial tested six treatments on forty-seven thousand patients for five hundred dollars per patient instead of the usual forty-one thousand dollars per patient. That's an eighty-two times cost reduction. Not in theory. In reality. During a pandemic. While panicking.

After World War Two, humans cut military spending by thirty percent and accidentally created the greatest economic boom in history. You're asking for one percent. Even people who really, really, love explosions should be able to handle one percent.

Even your own war heroes figured this out. Eisenhower, the human who won World War Two, spent his last speech warning you that the weapons industry was eating your civilization alive: "Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed." You gave him a standing ovation and then immediately ignored him for sixty-five years.

The Math.

Remember the 212 years timeline shift from above? Multiply those years of healthy life saved by one hundred fifty thousand dollars (the standard economic valuation of one year of human life), and you get eighty-four point eight quadrillion dollars in total economic value. Divide that by the one billion dollars campaign cost, and you get a return of eighty-four point eight million to one. Your calculator will display an error, then catch fire. This is correct.

Cost-effectiveness: zero point zero zero one eight dollars to save one year of healthy human life. Anti-malaria bed nets, the gold standard for keeping humans alive, cost eighty-nine dollars. This is fifty thousand three hundred times cheaper. It beats smallpox eradication (two hundred eighty to one) and childhood vaccinations (thirteen to one), which were humanity's previous greatest hits in the "not dying" genre. Even at one percent probability of the treaty actually passing (because you're you), the risk-adjusted return is still five hundred and three times better than anti-malaria bed nets.

The 5-Step Plan.

*Saving Humanity While Making Everyone Obscenely Wealthy*

Step 1: Sell Incentive Alignment Bonds.

On Wishonia, people do useful things because they're useful. On Earth, you need a financial instrument. So here's one.

An Incentive Alignment Bond (I.A.B.) funds a policy campaign, then splits the resulting government savings three ways: eighty percent to the public good, ten percent to investors as returns, and ten percent to a Super PAC that rewards politicians who voted yes (campaign support while they're running, cushy post-office careers when they're done).

Investors get rich, politicians get reelected, and eighty percent of the money goes where it's supposed to. Everyone's greed points at the same target. It's a war bond, but for any war you want to win.

For your one percent Treaty, these are called VICTORY Bonds. Remember when your grandparents funded World War Two by buying bonds? They got four percent returns and a world without Nazis (mostly). You're proposing the same thing except:

What Grandma Got.

Dead Nazis (admittedly good).

Four percent returns (barely beat inflation).

Still died of cancer in 1987.

What You're Offering.

Dead diseases (objectively better than dead Nazis because diseases kill more people).

Two hundred seventy-two percent returns (beats Grandma's bonds by sixty-seven times).

Not dying from preventable meat failures (this is the big one).

Also no Nazis (as a bonus).

This raises the one billion dollars needed to fuel the rest of the bribery machine.

How the Money Loop Works.

Here's the part where humans usually stop reading because it involves following money through more than one step. Try to keep up:

You sell one billion dollars in VICTORY Bonds to investors. This funds the campaign.

The campaign succeeds. Your treaty redirects one percent of military spending: twenty-seven point two billion dollars a year flows from the murder budget to clinical trials.

The Victory Corporation (your special purpose vehicle, or S.P.V., that issues the bonds) takes a twenty percent management fee on that twenty-seven point two billion dollars.

Half of that fee (ten percent) goes to investor dividends: two point seven two billion dollars a year on a one billion dollar investment. That's two hundred seventy-two percent annual returns. Your investors will think it's a typo. It's not.

The other half (ten percent) goes to a Super PAC that algorithmically allocates two point seven two billion dollars a year to getting treaty-friendly politicians elected and funding cushy post-office careers for the ones who voted yes. The more you voted for the treaty, the more support you get.

It's Pavlovian conditioning, but for senators.

The remaining eighty percent of twenty-seven point two billion dollars goes where it's supposed to: funding clinical trials that keep humans alive.

This is the entire trick. You use greed to fund the campaign, greed to pass the treaty, and greed to keep it passed. Nobody has to become a better person. The money just circulates until diseases stop existing.

If this sounds familiar, it should. Eisenhower warned you about the Military Industrial Complex: defense contractors fund politicians, politicians fund defense contracts, contracts fund contractors, contractors fund politicians. It's a self-sustaining loop that prints money and corpses.

You're building the same machine, but pointed at diseases instead of countries. Call it the Patient Industrial Complex. Investors fund politicians, politicians fund clinical trials, trials generate returns, returns fund investors, investors fund politicians. Same loop. Same greed. Same self-sustaining mechanics. Different corpses (fewer of them).

The Military Industrial Complex wasn't designed. It evolved, because the incentives aligned. An Incentive Alignment Bond just aligns them on purpose, toward something that doesn't require orphans. Full financial mechanics.

Step 2: The Great Clicking.

Make Humans Click a Button to Not Die

You need three point five percent of humanity to vote yes on: "Should your country redirect one percent of military spending to fund clinical trials?".

Why three point five percent? A political scientist named Erica Chenoweth studied every major political movement of the last century and found that none had ever failed after achieving three point five percent active participation. Not one. Every civil rights movement, every revolution, every regime change. Hit three point five percent and you win. It's like a cheat code for civilization, except it's real and backed by a century of data.

That's 280 million humans. Sounds like a lot until you remember that more than 10 times as many of you downloaded TikTok to watch people twerk. You can get 280 million to click "yes" on not dying. two hundred fifty million dollars of the campaign budget goes to paid referral bonuses that make sharing the vote financially attractive. It's a pyramid scheme where the thing at the top of the pyramid is not dying from preventable diseases.

Step 3: Bribe the Bribers.

Professional Briber Conversion Therapy

Defense lobbyists currently get one thousand eight hundred thirteen dollars back per dollar invested in democracy corruption. Show them a spreadsheet:

Current Job.

Salary: five hundred thousand dollars.

Moral status: Somewhere between "arms dealer" and "puppy kicker".

Legacy: "Here lies someone who made orphans".

Your Offer.

Incentive Alignment Bonds: two hundred seventy-two percent returns.

Moral status: "Philanthropist" (but you get to keep the money).

Legacy: "Accidentally saved humanity while getting rich".

They might switch sides faster than Italy in a world war.

Step 4: Purchase Democracy.

It's For Sale Anyway

Politicians are simple organisms with one evolutionary drive: reelection. Currently, weapons manufacturers feed this drive. You're going to feed it better.

It's not corruption if you corrupt the corruption. It's like a double negative in grammar but for democracy.

Remember that two point seven two billion dollars per year from Step One? This is where it goes. The Super PAC algorithmically scores politicians based on their treaty voting record and allocates accordingly: campaign support for the ones running, post-office fellowships for the ones retiring. Vote yes on the treaty, get rewarded.
Vote no, watch your opponent get rewarded. No papers go directly to politicians. The papers take a scenic route through a scoring algorithm, which is apparently the only legal way to train a senator.

The N.R.A. already perfected this technology. They give politicians a letter grade, and your senators are more afraid of a bad mark than a mass shooting. You're plagiarizing their system and replacing "guns" with "not dying from diseases.".

The I.A.B. architecture works for any problem where politicians need to do something good but currently get punished for it, which on your planet is most problems.
Climate change, pandemic preparedness, infrastructure, education, anything where the answer is obvious and the obstacle is that nobody gets paid to do it. Pick your cause, issue the bond, fund the campaign, align the greed. VICTORY Bonds are just the first implementation.

Step Five: Enjoy.

Everyone Gets Rich and Nobody Dies

Your treaty passes because money often defeats morality, as is tradition.

The twenty-seven point two billion dollars per year money volcano erupts:

Defense Contractors: Keep ninety-nine percent of their murder budget PLUS get two hundred seventy-two percent returns on the one percent.

Big Pharma: Instead of paying forty-one thousand dollars per lab rat with thumbs, the lab rats pay THEM. It's like if Uber convinced cars to pay for the privilege of driving.

Insurance Companies: Healthy people file fewer claims than dead people (dead people file zero claims, which is the ideal customer except they also pay zero premiums, creating a revenue problem).

Investors: two hundred seventy-two percent returns, which they will assume is a typo until you show them the math, at which point they will assume the math is a typo.

Lobbyists: Same job, same salary, but their Wikipedia page no longer needs a "Controversies" section.

Politicians: Getting reelected by living voters (a revolutionary strategy).

Regular humans: Not dying from stupid things (priceless, but also free).

Nobody has to evolve morally. You just point everyone's greed at diseases instead of each other. It's like training a pack of wolves to herd sheep by convincing them the sheep are made of money.

How This Manual Could Fix Everything.

This book contains:

Pictures (because reading is hard when you're diseased and dying).

Simple math (addition mostly, some multiplication).

Exact amounts of papers to give to specific humans.

The order in which to give them (very important).

Legal ways to call bribes other things.

Templates for tricking politicians into saving lives.

Everything is designed to work WITH human dysfunction, not against it. I'm not asking humans to be better humans. I'm showing you how to bribe humanity into not dying.

The Part Where Humanity Has No Choice.

The twist: you might do this anyway. Not because it's right (though it is), but because:

The rich humans want two hundred seventy-two percent returns (they're very greedy).

The politicians want to keep their jobs (they're very vain).

The voters want free healthcare (they're very sick).

The military contractors want money (they don't care where it comes from).

Everyone's greed aligns perfectly to accidentally save humanity. It's like you're going to cure death by mistake while trying to get rich.

Humans aren't stupid. You invented cheese, which is milk you left out until it went bad but in a good way. That's genius. You just need to apply that same innovation to not dying.

Choose Your Own Adventure.

Now is the time to select one of the two paths for the remainder of your existence.

Future A: You Ignore This Book.

Year twenty thirty: Still spending six hundred four times more on weapons than on testing which medicines actually work.

Year twenty thirty-five: Running out of papers for anything because the money was busy becoming missiles.

Year twenty forty: Climate change meets nuclear war.

Year twenty forty-five: Cockroaches evolve intelligence.

Year twenty fifty: Cockroaches find this book, very confused.

Future B: You Follow Instructions.

Year twenty thirty: "Remember when we had cancer?".

Year twenty thirty-five: "Remember when we had death?".

Year twenty forty: "Remember when we had war?".

Year twenty forty-five: "What should we do with all these old bombs?".

Year twenty fifty: Join galactic community, pretend you were always smart.

The universe is literally offering you infinite money and eternal life, and you're thinking about it.

This is why aliens don't visit.