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About This Manual The complete idiot's guide to legally bribing your way to utopia.

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Hello, humans. Your chance of dying from terrorism: one in thirty million.

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Your chance of dying from disease: one hundred percent. If cancer had oil reserves, you would have cured it by two thousand

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and three. Instead, governments spend six hundred and four times more on the murder budget than on clinical trials.

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This is mathematically stupid. I've been observing your planet and the most fascinating discovery about your species is

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how you allocate the small pieces of paper with presidents on them.

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You give six hundred and four more of these papers to people who build bombs than to people who test whether medicines work.

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Meanwhile, one hundred and fifty thousand of you permanently stop existing every day from what are basically engineering

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problems with meat robots. Six thousand six hundred and fifty diseases have zero F.D.A.-approved treatments.

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At your current pace, testing everything takes four hundred and forty-three years.

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This is mathematically stupid. How do you fix this? Well, it's like weaning a baby off eating paint chips.

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You can't just take away all the paint chips at once. They'll cry.

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You have to gradually replace paint chips with food until they forget paint chips were ever an option.

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So this manual tells you how to redirect just one percent of the murder budget to the medicine budget and the precise order

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of legal bribes required to make it happen. If you follow the instructions perfectly, you'll increase the rate of clinical

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trials by twelve point three times, compress the timeline of curing diseases from four hundred and forty-three years to

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thirty-six years, and prevent ten point three billion deaths.

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The best part is nobody has to evolve morally. You just have to point everyone's greed at diseases instead of each other.

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The universe is literally offering you infinite money and eternal life, and you're thinking about it.

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This is why aliens don't visit. Love, Wishonia. P. S. You named your planet dirt.

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Read at manual dot War On Disease dot org Get "How to End War and Disease" at Amazon dot com Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

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or any podcast app. Take fifteen seconds to tell us what fraction of humanity's resources should go to explosions versus

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clinical trials. If the treaty passes, your vote will be personally to blame for saving thirty-eight point four lives and

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preventing six point nine million hours of suffering. War On Disease dot org Translated from the original Wishonian by Mike

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P. Sinn.